3 Things You Should Learn from Abbie Slate

Here's a copy of a short article I wrote for my organization's blog. If you're not involved with Gen Ignite it will give you a glimpse of what it's like to be part of the team.

"3 Things You Should Learn from Abbie Slate"

I spent 45 minutes talking to Abbie Slate on the phone about her Ignite Group, and I realized that although being turned into a middle school girl would be the worst possible thing I can imagine next to spending eternity driving down Cliffdale around 5:30 pm, it wouldn’t be that bad if I could be a middle school girl in Abbie Slate’s Ignite group. Here are three things I learned from Abbie.

1. People don’t need your lesson plan as much as they need you—the real you. Despite her high level of diligence and planning (for instance, whenever she issues a challenge at a group meeting, she sends reminder emails to both students and parents), Abbie says that the “scientific and methodical” approach is simply not enough if you want to have maximum influence. “Every time that I’ve tried to be really organized and draw from my own wisdom and have it all together to minister to them—those are the times that they don’t really respond. It’s not as practical and real to them.”

So Abbie’s approach is different: “Im not treating them like they’re my little students. They can tell that it’s real. They feel like I’m being real with them; they feel like they can open up because I’m opening up. I’ve learned the lesson plan—making things scientific—just doesn’t really work. It doesn’t have them open up. Be real with them.”

Abbie is mixing a compassionate willingness to be real with people with an aggressive intention to help them grow toward God. Those two factors (as I look around, they seem to rarely come together) make the magic happen.

“When I really just tell them what’s on my mind and what’s on my heart, then they respond because they realize this is real, and they emotionally connect. They feel like I care because I’m investing my true heart.”

2. People don’t need to be taught the rules or principles—they need to be shown how to live the life.

Abbie’s teaching her girls about submission to God. But instead of spending time talking about submission, she shows her girls how to submit based on personal experiences. “I try to keep my mindset: ‘Be real with them, be transparent.’ I won’t just tell them, ‘You need to submit this to God.’ I say, ‘This is going to be really hard, but this is what’s going to happen if you do submit.’ I tell them how I did it, and the rewards that come with it.”

And she’s pushy about this whole submission thing: she leads her girls in identifying new areas that they haven’t yet submitted to God. She explains to them: “You can tell something isn’t submitted if you worry about it a lot—if you feel like you have to control it.”

Wow. Clearly, that is advice birthed from personal experience: packed inside that little statement is a whole collection of late nights and stomach knots and clenched-teeth prayers. Abbie feels it’s actually part of her job to share these experiences.

“It’s not my job to just be perfect and to pour in my wisdom. It’s me walking beside them and doing what I’m telling them to do. One thing that really blesses them is when I tell them something I’m struggling with and how hard it’s going to be for me to submit it to God. They don’t feel alone in it.”

3. People need and want to know and be known in real life (non-ministry) situations. Abbie lives in a freaking different state than the girls in her ignite group, so if she can pull this off, anybody can. What she described to me seems so messy and so counter to the concept of the Glorious and Elevated Leader. Isn’t she supposed to be, you know… the “Leader”? Abbie paints a different picture: “I really feel like their big sister.” Isn’t there supposed to be some emotional distance? Well, Abbie said: “We have sleepovers a lot cuz they love it. I consider them some of my closest friends. I really love spending time with them. I have just as much fun as they do. I constantly tell them, you’re some of my best friends. I love spending time with them.”

The way Abbie leads and mentors her girls reminds me of two Biblical examples of leadership:

1. The shepherd who watches over his flock with genuine love. That’s a lot different than a farmer herding cows. Farmers don’t sit down next to Bessy and stroke her hair in the field. But the shepherd of Psalm 23 lives life with his flock and loves them dearly.

2. Jesus, who gave up heaven to spend time with humans. Abbie having a slumber party with her girls is a picture to me of Jesus condescending to our level by coming to earth. Imagine being there. His feet crunch on the gritty dirt road as he walks with us, his disciples; he makes a joke about tax collectors and punches Matthew in the side. He’s talking to us, the crowd, making us chuckle at our own silly religious ways. He picks up a branch and shoves it next to his face, acting stupid and blind—“Let me help you remove that speck from your eye,” he says to one of us—and we laugh again: we love this guy, who so much seems to love us. He tosses a kid up in the air just high enough to make her gasp, and beams as he catches her. He winks at us and says quietly—it sounds like a delicious slumber party secret—“Listen to me: the kingdom of heaven belongs to girls like her.”

Two thousand years later Abbie is bringing girls closer to Jesus by spending time with them, having slumber parties, and showing them how heart-wrenchingly tough it is for her to follow Christ—and how wonderfully He rewards her submission.

Michael's 3 Rules for Turning Troublemakers into Leaders

One of the biggest disrupters of the middle school student group became the most powerful catalyst for personal change.

Michael Wiggins, a Gen Ignite mentor who leads a group of middle school students, shared this story at a "Leader's Celebration" we held earlier this month. He explained how a particular student was a sort of influential trouble maker--apparently he had the personality of a goof ball mixed with the influence of a mob leader. Not a bad kid, just a class clown type. Instead of chastising the student or whining about having tough kids, Michael singled him out as a leader. He confronted the kid and told him he needed "to man up"--to take his ability to influence people seriously. After this talk, the young man's influence took on a completely different nature.

The troublemaker-turned-leader opened up with his entire small group about something in his life that wasn't right and that he knew he needed to change. In response to his earnestness, other middle school students in the group began to open up as well, admitting publicly the changes they needed to make.

This story represents what I personally consider the one thing that most sets apart Gen Ignite: the emphasis on a mentor raising up students to become leaders that impact their peers for Christ. If you want to know the heart of Gen Ignite, think of Michael Wiggins and his troublemaker-turned-leader.

Michael graciously shared with the entire Gen Ignite crew of leaders some of his leadership insights (I also later got to have a great follow up conversation with him about this). Here are some of my mental notes, with very rough paraphrases from Michael.

1. Talk to the kids like they're in college. ("I never treat them like middle school students. I talk to them like they're adults, and I expect things from them at that level. More times than not, they will rise to the expectations that you have for them.")
2. Have more faith for them than they have for themselves--and tell them they matter. ("I want to say this to them so often that they have it memorized and groan when I repeat it.")
3. Spend 80% of your time with the 20% who are the most influential. (Michael says he intentionally follows this leadership rule, which he learned from Pastor Michael Fletcher. "Whenever I pick up students, I always make sure that the "20%" I want to invest in have the most time with me in the car. I pick them up first and drop them off last. I'm intentional about that time we have together.")

Stories like Michael's are why Gen Ignite exists, and they're the pay-off from your investment in this ministry. Thank you so much for choosing to support me.

In Case I Confused You, I'm NOT Quitting! (Here's What I'll Be Doing)

[This post has two sections: Background on why I left Jack Britt, and the 4 things I'm focusing on this spring.]

Sorry for being unclear: I still work with Rush/Gen Ignite!

I thrive on change and I love new challenges--and I got ahead of myself and didn't explain carefully enough to the people who make all this possible what I am doing (you, my faithful financial supporters). Please forgive me. And by the way, when the time comes for me to leave Gen Ignite/Rush, I promise you are going to hear about it from me personally (not electronically).

The Story Behind My Departure from Jack Britt High School:

1. Summer of 2009: Shawn Withy-Allen (Director of Gen Ignite/Rush) and I discussed the future of our ministry at Jack Britt. My written job description included preparing the Rush ministry at Jack Britt to be handed off to a new leader. This would give younger leaders a chance to grow in leadership and ministry, and give me the freedom to think beyond just one campus and instead focus on the bigger picture--raising up more leaders to impact young students in our city.

2. Entire Fall Semester 2009: my number one goal (almost as important as brushing my teeth each day) was to build a team of leaders that will carry a burden to influence Jack Britt students. For a description of that effort, click on the link in the previous sentence to go straight to that blog post (or scroll down two posts ago to the zebra picture).

3. Wednesday, January 13, 2010, 4 pm: I met with the Jack Britt leadership team one last time to say goodbye and make it official--I'm out, and they will continue to move forward aggressively on their own. I have to include their names here again because they are champions: Peter McCarthy (new team leader), Kevin Ortiz, Rachel Choi, Lindsey Leach.

Four Things I'm Focusing On This Spring:

1. Rush Leader Round Tables

This one's a secret--I've only told one other person. First, let me explain a problem. Rush has been actively involved on Fayetteville public school campuses for 4-5 years, but to this point each campus and its student leaders have been isolated. The students at one school can't inspire and learn from students at another. They can't share ideas, challenge one another, spur each other on to build life-giving clubs. We're trying to fix this problem by networking leaders through the "Rush Leader Round Tables"--small, informal gatherings where student leaders from different campuses share "tricks of the trade," develop relationships, and assist one another in making Fayetteville campuses better.

2. Leader of Creative Team

I am continuing my post as leader of the creative team. My number one goal is to create a culture where people feel the burden to train and teach with excellence in order to help each leader and each student experience meaningful growth. Our creative team recently evaluated how our ministry trains volunteer leaders to mentor. Currently we are studying together how to best train our leaders. (If you want a great free resource, check out The Seven Laws of Teaching by John Milton Gregory, full text available here.)

3. Campus Ministry Advisor

I serve as an advisor to two of our Gen Ignite heroes, Jake Ray and Peter McCarthy. These guys are full-time college students who also lead Rush clubs on public school campuses. They are in the same position I was two years ago this month--when I first took over the Rush Club at Jack Britt High School. The wonderful thing about my position is that when you invest in me, you are investing in other leaders who are training other students to impact other students and on and on.

4. Leadership Development

I work with other members of the Gen Ignite team to develop strong leaders who will mentor students. This involves conversations with leaders, leaders meetings, explaining our vision, special outings (e.g. group outreaches, appreciation events for volunteers), etc.

Two Big Goodbyes and Two Years of My Life

Last week I said two very significant goodbyes:

1. To the Rush "Club" (we called it a movement) at Jack Britt High School.

I am moving on from being the leader at Jack Britt. (In later posts I will explain more about what I will be focusing on.) I worked at Jack Britt for almost 2 years. I've seen students graduate and go to college. I've seen Christ transform empty, purpose-less teenagers into people filled with meaning and vision. I've been mistaken for a student parking in a visitor's spot (ok, so maybe once or twice I would cheat and park in the teachers' lot), been asked if I was going to prom, and been confronted about using my cell phone inside the school...a great two years.

2. To Leading the Jack Britt Leadership Team.

For the fall semester of 09 and up till now, this team of 4 students (two high school seniors, two college students) has led ministry with me at Jack Britt. It has been my joy to serve with them and lead them. Last Wednesday I met with them for the last time as their team leader. Peter McCarthy is now the official Rush representative for Jack Britt High School and has taken the baton as team leader. As of right now, Kevin Ortiz, Rachel Choi, and Lindsey Leach continue to serve the campus as the leadership team.

If you read my previous post you'll see that this team is ready and that we've been preparing for this for a while. I can't wait to see what this incredible team does. They will grow, and those they serve will grow. Thanks to all of you who support me financially--I promise you that at Jack Britt High School, we have started something much bigger than what any one person could do.

Brushing My Teeth and the Other Most Important Thing I Do

This last semester my number one priority for the Rush program at Jack Britt has had little to do with the high school. Last year I was out there four days a week. This year: one, occasionally none. (This either means I'm turning into a cluelessly absent leader, or that I'm surrounded by very responsible co-leaders. Technically I suppose it could mean both. But I'm positive that I'm not absent, just clueless.)

My number one priority (next to brushing my teeth, which surpasses all the leadership abilities in the world) has been building a team of leaders. This team is the backbone of everything that happens at Britt. Team members:

Rachel (my 17 year old sister, senior in high school)

Peter (sophomore college student)

Kevin (Jack Britt alumn, college freshman)

Lindsey (Jack Britt senior)

These guys sit down and have one-on-one or group conversations with students. They encourage the students by sharing what God has put on their heart. They strategize how to make the most of our time, and develop key learning objectives (eg, recently they taught the students about the 5 Love Languages and how to discover yours and use them to serve God.)

I'm preparing to back away even more from the team next semester. It's time to let these leaders lead to a greater extent. But I'm confident and comfortable doing this because this last semester I've been clear on my mission: in general, to minister to Jack Britt students, but more precisely, to minister to Jack Britt students by building a team of leaders. Because I've done this, the small amount of ministry I'd be capable of doing is being surpassed on a weekly basis by the impact that 4 committed leaders can make as a team.

(By the way, I'm not even a great team builder. By personality I'm a lone ranger and would rather sit in my room and read and think or write music. This just goes to show you the power you could harness if you became GREAT at building teams.)

Take away: Do you know your number one most important thing to do? My number one most important thing to do this semester was brush my teeth on a daily basis. After that, it was build a team of leaders. No one else can brush my teeth for me, and no one else can build a team of leaders for me. Some things, only David Choi can do. At times when I get too caught up in "doing the ministry," and end up robbing younger leaders of opportunities to grow, I have to un-distract myself from all the important things, and focus on the important things that only I can do.

This Christmas, brush your teeth and do the important things that only you can do.

What the Heck? (A Miracle)

This is a longer post than usual, but it's a miracle story so you'll want to read it.

The meeting of the "Rush Movement at Jack Britt" went much later than usual today. We're supposed to end at 4:30 and we didn't walk out of the building until after 5:15. Kevin, a Jack Britt '09 graduate and freshman at ECU (he's one of our leaders), gave an incredibly impacting message today to the guys in our normal classroom, and Rachel and Lindsey spoke with the girls outside.

Anyway, as the guys and I (plus Rachel) walked out of the building, there was one lone student sitting outside waiting to be picked up. All students, including all the Rush students, had already left. (Usually, when we leave on time, there is still a crowd outside.) This kid walks up to us holding a small box and asks us to donate money for a charity. A few of us gave money, and we began walking on. Pete was walking ahead, but Kevin was joking with this kid, "Hey, I want to see some ID!" The student said, "Oh, I forgot my ID, but my name's Darrell."

Pete overheard this and turned back immediately. "Wait a minute--you're Darrell?!" Pete goes up to him and says, "Hey man, can I pray for you?" and right before he starts he asks, "How's your family?" (Turns out Darrell's parents are breaking up.)

Next thing I know Pete is holding hands with this kid praying for him. After he finished praying he mentioned casually, "When I woke up this morning God told me to pray for Darrell, and I didn't know who he was. I went to Wal-Mart cuz I thought he might be there but I didn't meet him. So I've been wondering who this Darrell was that I'm supposed to meet."

After that we stayed and talked with Darrell for about 30 minutes. It just so happens that Darrell was into rapping and dancing, and coincidentally, Kevin is a talented rapper and dancer! And get this: Kevin's friend Jeremy from the Rush Dance Team showed up just before we met Darrell, so the three of them all started showing each other dance moves and hanging out.... what a God-ordained "coincidence"!

Think about the details God had to orchestrate:

1. He gave Pete advanced notice this morning: "Pray for Darrell."

2. He made sure we would go really late in our meeting today.

3. In order for that to happen, He made sure that Rachel & Lindsey had planned on talking separately with the girls today (they took them all outside). That meant Kevin was free to connect with the much smaller guys group and spend a long time talking with them--much longer than usual.

4. He made sure that Darrell was getting picked up late today for whatever reason--really late.

5. He also made sure that Darrell was the ONLY student waiting outside--had their been a crowd, we wouldn't have noticed Darrell and he wouldn't have noticed us.

6. He made sure that Kevin made a casual little joke about wanting to see ID, prompting the kid to offer his name instead.

7. He made sure Pete, even though he had walked on ahead, was still within earshot and could hear the name.

8. He made sure that Kevin and Jeremy were there, so they could hit it off with Darrell talking about dance stuff.

Darrell, by the way, is a Christian, and as he put it after hanging out with us, "I thought I was the only one!" He'll be getting to know us...

two studs i know

for those of you who support me financially or are just curious, i wanted to show you a copy of a facebook message i just sent out to some friends i work with. one of the privileges of my life is that i have time to talk with guys like jake and pete, who are volunteer leaders out there using their free time to make a difference. as a gen ignite/rush missionary, part of my job is to encourage (and be inspired by) other volunteer leaders.

here's the message i sent out:

1. was talking with jake today. he was on his way to a high school to surprise one of the guys in his ignite group and have lunch with him. can you imagine the impact it would have on you as a teenager if a college student showed up at your school to eat lunch with you? --showed up on SURPRISE? not only is that freaking awesome, now you look cool in front of all the girls cuz you hang out with college dudes.

2. last week pete talked with a guy from his ignite group he has never met. found out he liked football. so monday in between 2 tests and homework, pete drives out to the boondocks to toss the football around with this kid. to me, thatd be like if a crossfit trainer asked if he could come over and show me how to do handstand tricks on the rings. umm....yes please?!

pete and jake = studs.